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November 14th, 2010


10:40 pm - Drawing Lines
 We have to know our own limits and stick by them through thick and thin, lest the currents we cannot avoid wading in rush us away.

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May 9th, 2010


10:48 pm - We all fall down
Like toy soldiers...

I hate the tyranny of lacking money, even as I recognise that I am in no position to claim poverty, or even to truly understand those who suffer from it.

Too often it feels like we learn something and then throw out at least 75% of what we've gained when putting into practice. Why then does anyone bother teaching the stuff that doesn't really work or will get discarded?

What does it all mean when you cannot see a clear plan for the future? Is that then the end of everything? So often do they say "fail to plan, plan to fail".

Delusions of meaning in our existences.

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April 19th, 2010


11:34 pm - Circle Line
I doubt the Circle Line will make much difference to me. I tried it today and did not find a significant improvement in travelling time. It certainly seems a lot more crowded than the NEL though. I do hope the link to Buona Vista does become operational before I have need of it, though...

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April 12th, 2010


11:39 pm - Futility
Sometimes all that matters is that nothing does.

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February 21st, 2010


12:03 am - Undue concern
I fight a daily struggle against a descent into apathy.

The sight of a bus service 2 yesterday triggered thoughts about bus service 10, and from there to wistful romantic thoughts, even though I should not be concerning myself unduely with the matter. Guess I am a closet romantic.

Maybe.

Maybe.

My heart goes out to those people who need to work the night shift. It's an unpleasant fact that someone has to do it, but that doesn't mean we have to like it.

It's both a joyful and sad occasion, sending a friend off to the pursuit of education overseas. I won't deny that I have not been a man of great hunger or desire to prove myself in an alien environment. Do I need to justify myself? I feel no compulsion to, though you might argue that I should. Some believe that apathy is a curse upon the current generation...

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February 13th, 2010


01:28 pm - Snap judgement
I have been led to think about wealth and the thought divide it creates. I will not deny that there is some truth to the belief that rich kids can appear detached from reality. On the other hand, it is all too easy for the street-dwellers to act as though "street smarts" are all that matter. I do recognise that it is too easy to judge first and ask questions later. I have, after all, been on both the giving and receiving end.

I used to think that receiving was better than giving. A part of me still wants to receive only and not have to give. However, I now realise that there is only so much one can get from charity. There's so much more to be gained from making it yourself.

I wonder how much depression is avoidable. I know I still struggle with feelings of emptiness from time to time. It is easy to say that things will get better, but so, so hard to convince yourself or another.

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February 7th, 2010


11:29 pm - After the baptism.
I know no instant miracles were promised, but I don't feel much change.

I don't want to sound like I'm complaining. It's just... eh... a feeling, a honest one.

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January 16th, 2010


10:58 pm - The night city and the futile chase
The city at night has a certain allure distinct from that in the day. If I need not sleep nor fear the denizens of the dark, I would certainly like to spend some time with the night city. Despite myself a thought, a vision of being successful and powerful, never missing out on what or who I want, enters my mind. If a dream is truly a reflection of the subconscious, what does that say of me? 

Surely all this expense is unsustainable, not in the long run.

Would it be enlightening to rediscover the stars? Surely a simultaneous fascination with and fear of the unknown is quintessentially human.

Keep on chasing the worthless, let's y'all. It is... so easy. Just too easy. We dream of the unattainable and the impossible, determined to chase them though we hurt ourselves more and more until we end up at best exhausted, at worst dead. Are we foolish to persist? I ask you, who determines what "foolish" is? Would you have the arrogance to define this? Maybe all that we are is an endless, tiring quest to go for the ridiculous, knowing that we will never reach the goal we truly desire. Is this always for the better? At this point you would look at me funny, perhaps even put one hand on the torch and pitchfork - yet it is reckoned by some quarters that the things truly desired are never the healthy ones. Definitely, mine appeal to an impulse that is at once darker and yet desperately seeking an honesty of expression those around me of a sounder bent would condemn, such that I fear to reveal it to any but myself.

Aye, condemnation, surely this world would be much different without ye. Maybe I am really incapable of speaking straight, or is it that I have difficulty facing myself? I hope it is the former; I do honestly believe I can face myself. It is those who and what I concern myself with despite knowing the pointlessness of it all which I have difficulty speaking straightforwardly to, recognising that judgement and persecution is too easy.

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January 14th, 2010


11:14 pm - Passage
I like seeing places go by through a window. I find this quite fascinating. The more you learn, the more you know that you do not know. It is at once frustrating and interesting. As small as Singapore is, there is still a fair bit to see; it is a pity that high vantage points are not that common. It does not help that nice places like the National Library do not stay open that late. I do not enjoy loneliness, despite what appearances might show you. Solitude is, to me at any rate, a different thing from loneliness, though company is always preferable. Still, with three failures on my plate, I dare not have high hopes.

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January 6th, 2010


11:49 pm - Questions
A lot can happen in two years. So can very little. Tell me, Sweet Child O' Mine, from which perspective are you approaching this question?

Oh, you did not hear me in the first? Allow me to introduce myself. I'm A Man Of Wealth And Taste.

As you would know the (in)famous line, or so I presume.

Is a man a man, or is he something else? Everyone fights something everyday, even if (s)he should be unaware or in denial of it. Would you be fighting yourself or another, and how would that fight end? Who walks away the winner, or are both bruised and tired, such that what does not kill you leaves you weaker for the next, and the next, and the next...?

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